He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
