I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
