we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
