my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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