I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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