There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
