the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
