i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize