a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
