doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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