DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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