found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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