piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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