U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize