Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
