u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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