Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
