I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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