Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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