I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Randomize
