Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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