He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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