i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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