I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
