Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
