I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
