i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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