does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize