He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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