if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
