so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize