Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
