Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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