I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
