he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
