This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
