i wish there were pregnant emoticons
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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