I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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