is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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