I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
