if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
