Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
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What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
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The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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