i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
