I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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