I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
