so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Semen is not good for contacts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
