Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
