we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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