I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
