I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
