I can tuck mytits in my pants
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We need to get me chipped asap
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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