Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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