I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
