it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
