What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
