the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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