My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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