Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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