Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
