About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
