I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Who died my cat blue again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
