haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
