Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
