my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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