i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
