final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he thought i was a dude.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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