Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
