NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
