He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
