so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
