i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
