you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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