Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
