If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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