i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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