Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
