After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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