i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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