Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
