something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
