she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
