I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
