Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were trust falling into bushes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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