Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
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That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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