My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize