im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
