she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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