so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
