Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
