I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
