We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
